“Did I tell you about that wonderful beaded dress I almost bought for you ? But then I thought you’ll look great without it, just the same.”
“This restaurant’s terrible, but it was the only place offering 50% off on Valentine’s Day dinner, so I had to bring you here.”
“I know you don’t eat stuff with faces, that’s why I ordered turkey legs.”
“It’s been much better ever since I accepted that my Valentine’s Day dates would never be smart.”
“My ex and I came here for our first date. Isn’t that nostalgic ?”
“Weren’t you the geekiest person in college ? How did you do a makeover ?”
“Oh ! You’re having that ? Excuse me, got to run to the ATM.”
“Thank god I listened to my friends, or else I would never have called you back.”
Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Hogs and Kisses!
Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
A: “Be my valenstein!”
Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A: Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
Q: What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
A: He gives it a Valenshine!
Q: Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?
A: Because you can really party hearty!
Q: What did the cholcolate syrup say to the ice cream?
A: “I’m sweet on you!”
Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A: A hug and a quiche!
Q: Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
A: Because you always heart the one you love!
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A little girl asked her grandpa if it would be very wrong of her to send a card to Osama on Valentine’s Day. The old man was visibly shocked and asked her why she wanted to do so. “If I send him a card on Valentine’s Day, then he might think that I am not bad, and that little kids are not bad. So he might stop hating us and gradually stop hating others and also stop killing. Then he can come to us and say that he loves us” replied the little girl. Her grandpa was really touched by this thought of his granddaughter and went to give her an appreciative hug, just when she said: “then when he comes out in the open, the army can shoot him !”
A little boy comes home from first grade and tells his father that he learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “As Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “will God get angry at me for giving someone a valentine?”
The father thinks for a moment and then says, “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”
“Osama Bin Laden,” the boy says.
“Why Osama ,” his father asks in disbelief.
“Well,” David says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he’d jump with joy. And then he’d go all over and tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”
Father’s heart swells and he looks at his son with newfound pride and joy.
“David, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I know,” David says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him.”